The breakup
It was only after I left my job (to work part-time) that I realized it had become part of my identity. I felt insecure, anxious and less significant without it. My job kept me very busy, so busy that it took over areas I normally gave to family and friends. Without my work, I realized I had neglected some very important things, including myself, and I didn’t remember who I was without it. Because I believed that my work was very important, it, in turn, made me feel important. And what I realized is that once I extracted myself from the work, the work kept getting done. And my ego didn’t like that. I didn’t feel important anymore.
Today, I have let all of that go. It actually happened about a month ago, when I officially decided to stop working. But I remain acutely aware of how easily and quietly work (or anything that you devote gobs of time and energy to) can take over your life, your being and become the measurement of your significance. While I don’t intend to have a “job” for a while, I am already working at not letting the SAHM gig overtake me. Just like I should have done with my last job, I will regularly extract myself (literally, as both my kids have a bit of separation anxiety and Addy clutches to my leg while Crosby clings to my hair) to hang with adults or be by myself.
I’m a week into the full-time mom thing and so far so good. Addy still attends an early preschool program 2 mornings a week, and I’m about to sign her up for gymnastics and taekwondo cause she is a super physical kid and I also love the idea of her being able to seriously kick some ass should she ever need to. And while my family will forever hold the #1 spot on my list of priorities, they do not define who I am. I posted this quote a while ago, but because it’s so perfect, I’ll share it again.
“I am not (nor will I ever be) defined by motherhood, but I will wholeheartedly admit that motherhood has inspired and enabled me to define myself.”
Rebecca Woolf, Girls Gone Child blog.