Dear Baby Girl, Part Two

Dear Baby Girl,

In just a few short weeks, you and I will stop sharing the same body and begin sharing the same world. Before that moment arrives, there are a few things we should discuss, just to make sure we start our relationship off on the right foot. I’m sure once you are old enough to read and understand this, these topics will become the building blocks to your list of “How My Parents Screwed Me Up.”

1). I’m back on the juice. Not “juice” as in “apple” or “alcohol,” but rather “juice” as in “I add a touch of caffeinated coffee to my decaf because otherwise I would be comatose.” My doctor said a little caffeine is just fine. And trust me, it’s much better for us both that I retain some ability to function.

2) When I see goldfish, I think of you. I know – it sounds awful, but much like you’re restricted to the confines of my womb, a goldfish has to spend their life in a glass bowl. Just like I imagine a goldfish gets bored with its tiny home, I often wonder if the same is true for you.

3) I ate lunchmeat. Sounds harmless enough, right? Well, seven months ago, I was shocked to learn that eating lunchmeat was a no-no for pregnant women thanks to nitrates and a bacterium called listeria. Sure I could occasionally have a ham or turkey sandwich, but only if the lunchmeat was served piping hot so as to kill the bacteria.

This was fine for quite a while. But I recently began fantasizing about Cousin’s Turkey Subs dripping in mayo. Then, a few weeks ago, I came face-to-face with a turkey sub. I recalled several of my new-mom friends telling me the occasional piece of cold lunchmeat was fine. And then I remembered that Milwaukee-based Cousin’s Subs had renamed their turkey sub “The Go! Go! Gokey! Sub” in honor of American Idol contestant and former Cousin’s employee, Danny Gokey.

It was at that moment that I knew I had to do it. What kind of Milwaukeean would I be if I did not support our hometown superstar? So I caved and took a bite. It was perhaps the most glorious tid-bit of turkey-sandwich goodness I have ever known. And Danny Gokey better appreciate the sacrifice I made for him.

4) I am eating soft cheeses. Again, pregnant women are told to avoid soft cheese because of listeria. HOWEVER, this only applies to unpasterized soft cheeses and unless you’re buying cheese in a dark alley from a guy named Tito, most soft cheeses sold in America are pasteurized. Just check the ingredient label and make sure it says, “pasteurized milk,” not “black market milk.”

5) That poking you sometimes feel? It’s me. I don’t mean to disturb you…it’s just that everyone wants to feel you move and kick and sometimes a gentle little poke at my belly will get you to poke back at me. Besides, you’re big enough now where I can feel the difference in your limbs, and I love trying to distinguish if that’s your butt or elbow burrowing into my ribs. It’s absolutely amazing to think that in 10 more weeks, I’ll be spending several hours a day diapering that little hiney I’m feeling.

6) Your name. I promise we will pick one. Know that we are trying our hardest to find one that sounds lovely, won’t get you made fun of and sets you apart from the crowd just a tiny bit.

Now that I have made a few confessions, there are a few things about your early life you may like to know down the road. So, before I forget…

1) You seem to be highly active between 10:00 and 11:30, as you reliably begin rolling around, bumping and kicking at this time almost every day. By the way, what are you doing in there? I would love to hear how a fetus spends her time and what she does for fun in the womb.

2) Your most favorite spot is my far right side, which is where most of your activity can be felt. I do wonder if that half of my uterus will forever be more stretched out thanks to the WWF wrestling moves you practice there.

3) You already like to mess with me. As soon as I say the words, “Joey, the baby’s moving – give me your hand so you can feel her,” you stop moving. And guess what? As soon as his hand leaves my belly in disappointment, you go back to your in-utero gymnastics. That being said, because of your family tree, it’s no surprise that you’re well on your way to becoming a smartass.

Love,
Mom

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