Madonna Made Me Cry
Here is a wall…
…and last night, I hit it…metaphorically speaking. One second I was in my car, singing along to Madonna’s “La Isla Bonita,” and the next second, I was a blubbering mess that could barely choke out the words “…your Spanish lullaby.”
I arrived home in mid hysterics and pulled myself together long enough to walk to the front door. I heard the voices of my neighbor, Katie, her friend, Steph, and Steph’s beautiful newborn son inside – they had stopped over to drop off some diapers. I frantically wiped the tears from my cheeks and threw on my sunglasses, attempting to cover the swollen, red, splotchy mess I had become.
I’ve said it before – my neighbors are awesome. Katie and Steph – I’m sorry I was so weird last night. If I could’ve controlled my quivering chin, I would’ve told you that I was simply in the middle of a hormonal breakdown that would pass shortly.
I cried on Joey’s shoulder for 15 minutes, where I choked out things like “Will you still want to come home if I don’t shower for three days and the baby is screaming and there’s nothing to eat but breast milk?” and “Will you still love me when all I talk about is poop and spit up and have to milk myself like I’m a cow?” He, of course, said, “Yes. I’ll love you even more.”
So now I’m feeling much better and realize my meltdown was a toxic combination of pregnancy hormones and pregnancy anxiety…compounded by living in a ripped up, filthy home when I feel the growing need to “nest,” which is amplified by the fact that I’ve already been anxiously waiting to organize the chaos we’ve lived in for almost 3 years now. Of course my head is going to explode at some point.
Anyways…that was my second meltdown during this pregnancy. I have a feeling there will be more after the baby arrives. Hooray! That’s something everyone can look forward to!
OMG!! I knew something was wrong when i saw you! You should have just told us, cuz trust me I have seen it and Steph has been there.
I talk about Poop and sit at work and all i smell is baby puke all day. But the good part about it is that it makes me think about him and smile. And the funny thing is i go thru all of this and he is not even mine. But it's such a great time having a baby in the house. Don't worry you will make such a GREAT Mom. You will start to learn how to LOL when you have to change your shirt 3 times in an hour. Cuz she keeps throwing up on you. 🙂 You will worry about everything, but when they are sleeping and you can just sit back and smile cuz you know she is growing and healthy all of the break downs will be worth it. 🙂
And Thank you for being the BEST Neighbors in the World!!Pleae never move away from me, I don't need a really crazy lady next to me. 🙂
We have all been there! Congratulations on being brave enough to speak about it and wise enough to know that it is completely normal:-)
Thanks Katie!
Susie – what kind words! Thank you so much.
I can only imagine what that kind of hormonal harangue must be like. I sympathize over the filthy chaos. I’m SO sick of our house being torn up most of the time! But then I remember my mantra: “It will get done. It will look great. It will all be worth it.”
Repeating it at least every five minutes can work on occasion.
And the meltdowns? I can't think of a better reason to have them than yours! 🙂