Month 5: I love this age

Dear Crosby,

I am trying to tattoo everything about you into my memory so I never forget what it’s like to mother a baby. If there is one thing I’ve learned from your sister, it’s that a baby becomes a child far too quickly, and those moments you swear you’ll never forget as a mother somehow lose their sharpness as new memories flood in. Much of Adeline’s baby phase is a blur…like a very long dream I had before waking up to a small girl whispering “Mommy” in my ear before running off to become an adult. So I am trying – so hard – to enjoy and absorb every second of your babyhood while doing the same with your sister’s single-digit years as they pause before passing me by.

I want to create a spot in my mind that can recall the exact sound of your coos, squeals, gurgles and giggles long after you’ve stopped making them. To shut my eyes and always feel the weight of your small body against mine as it relaxes into sleep, even when you are big and no longer care to snuggle with me. To forever see your little hands, and how you press them to mine, exploring my fingers with yours. To remember those little legs, decorated with rolls and dimples, and how they kick, kick, kick whenever you’re on your back and look so small in comparison to your perfectly round and rotund Buddha belly.

Right now, the best word to describe you is sweet. You love to smile – a big, drooly, open-mouth smile that comes to you easily and charms everyone who sees it. It is so pure and joyful. You want to get your hands on everything, reaching them out and fumbling to grab cups coming toward my mouth (and spilling their contents on my shirt), the spoon I use to feed you (spilling its contents on yourself), my jewelry, glasses and your favorite? My hair. Because your fingers live your mouth, they are always damp, making them the perfect tool for creating a massive knot in it.

I love this stage of babyhood. You are starting to sleep through the night (almost every night this week) and get on a schedule, which makes life easier and happier. You emit a new noise every day, your current favorite being “Buh.” As in “buh-buhbuh-BUH!-BUH!-bbbb-buh…” It’s the sound you make almost every second you’re awake. You are trying new foods, from rice cereal (kind of constipating) to oatmeal (you’re getting a funny rash from it) to avocado (you like it!) to pears (almost made you gag) and bananas (another winner).

You can hold on to toys and manipulate things in front of you, which means you can entertain yourself when I need to focus on your sister. You are strong and have been able to support your weight, with help, when standing for a while now, and your kicks in your infant tub get the bathroom more wet than your sister’s energy-filled bath time antics.Speaking of, you adore her. Your biggest smiles are saved for her, and she already has a knack for making you laugh.

My Sweet Boy…I didn’t know how my heart could hold any more love than it already did. But everyone was right when they said I’d love you just as much as I love my first baby. When I look at you both, it’s like my heart is staring back at me.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,

Mama

• ← Sir gets a trim
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