The evolution of daycare

First things first – I continue to be pregnant. Due date is tomorrow. I decided to drop the impatient attitude and throw myself into enjoying the time to prepare. If I don’t go into labor on my own, I’ll be induced next Thursday. It’s interesting to me that I haven’t even hit my due date yet, but already have an induction on the calendar. While I’m glad to know there’s an end in sight, I’d really like my body to do this by itself so Joey and I can have that moment of bewildered, elated panic as we realize it’s time to head to the hospital.

I’ve been spending the last couple of days wrapping things up at work, bidding coworkers adieu and scrambling to find some item of decor for The Boys room, which remains a complete blank slate – no rugs, no artwork, nothing. Bad Mommy! Updates on the kids’ rooms to come (Addy has transitioned into her new room. We’re on day two of sleeping in a big girl bed. She has a love-hate relationship with it).

Speaking of my sweet Adeline, I just dropped her off at day care, as I’ve done every Tuesday and Thursday morning for the last 5 weeks. And while it’s gotten easier to leave her, it is never easy to leave. My heart breaks a little every time I walk out the door, and I find myself wanting to run back into her classroom for one last snuggle of reassurance – for her and for me.
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Here she is, in a rather blurry, but still cute, photo right before walking into school last week. She does fine with school, even telling us she has fun and likes it, until we get into the classroom. We have our little routine down – breakfast in the car (usually a granola bar or graham crackers and milk). She drives along with me using her own little steering wheel and dictates what we listen to. She points out the animals we drive by, if she sees school buses or silos. It’s a 20 minutes drive, and I really enjoy it.

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Here she is, on the same day, in the hallway outside of her classroom. She has her own little hook to hang her coat on, a basket that holds her art projects and notes for us from the teachers. It’s all so very…schoolish. I still can’t believe it’s an environment we’re all navigating already.

Addy, when she’s in her element and comfortable in her environment, is pretty fearless. But in new situations, she’s quiet and cautious, preferring to spend several long minutes soaking in her surroundings before interacting with them. It reminds me of me, which, as someone who takes a painfully long time to truly come out of her shell, worries me a bit. I want her to be secure enough that she’s not intimidated by new people and environments, something that I hope will come to her with time and the right examples from me, her dad and grandparents.

The first mornings at daycare were painful and typically resulted in me crying all the way to work. The first three days, I exited the room, my bravest mommy smile plastered on, to the sound of Addy in tears. The fourth day was the worst, as the tears were combined with cries for mommy. I wish she knew that on those days I was crying with her and waiting in the hall outside her door until her tears stopped and I could see that she was fine.

Happily, the tears stopped after that fourth day, and have been replaced by her little hands wrapped tightly around my fingers as we slowly enter the room and wander over to toys to grab her attention. My girl loves the trucks and farm animals. I kiss her goodbye, and the teacher artfully scoops her up into a reassuring hug and joins her in whatever she’s doing. I still linger in the hall, stealing glimpses of her in the room as she continues her gradual acclimation to the space. And I notice how small she looks in comparison to the other kids (she’s always been little) and I wonder, for the one millionth time, what is this experience like for her? What is going through her mind? Is she scared? Confused?And then I realize that my little girl is already so brave. These are her first weeks in a new space, filled with new, bigger, louder kids and adults, no familiar faces in sight. And she does it. She gets through it, participating in craft projects, having a snack, singing songs, playing outside, and when she’s picked up before lunch, she’s always a happy, happy girl. I think the biggest challenge is that Adeline only attends school 8 hours a week, where most of the other kids are there for about 40. It’s taking a longer time for her to find buddies and to adjust.

Daycare was one of the hardest choicest we’ve made as parents, and even though it’s still not easy, I truly believe it’s a good experience for her, and I’m glad we’re doing it. Every week she seems to thrive more. I’ve seen her interest in art (she draws faces!) grow, her interest in music explode (if she’s not singing songs, she’s asking to sing them or listen to them) and she seems less hesitant in other new environments.

Today will be the first day that I get to pick her up, a duty her grandparents typically take care of. I can’t wait to see her and get the report on her day from the teachers. I’m hoping I’ll be greeted with a big smile and maybe even a hug, but it would be just as rewarding to find her so engrossed in the fun that she hardly notices I’m there.

These last few months, as we prepare for a brand new baby, I realize I’m also saying goodbye to my first one. Potty training, daycare, big girl beds…all things we’re very much encouraging her to embrace, and in a sense, almost forcing on her. She’s taken it all in stride, making it all the more evident that she is, indeed, growing up. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve let her lead the pace after introducing these things, but there are moments when I wonder if we shouldn’t have rushed all this. And then she could still be my baby just a little bit longer.

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