My Baby Likes Technology; Dear Baby Girl, Part Three

Dear Baby Girl,

I would very much like to show the nice people that read this blog a photo of our kitchen with drywall. But the new USB cord I bought to replace the last one that went missing seems to have disappeared. It’s time to fess up, Sweetie. You’re sneaking out of my womb at night and stealing my USB cords, aren’t you? I’m sure you’re playing with them in my uterus as we speak.

Oh, wait. I’ll take that jab to my ribs and stomp on my bladder as a “no.” I suppose there’s a chance I misplaced it…that I have lost the very last brain cell I had and it happened to be the one that knew where I keep USB cords.

You see, my darling daughter, my brain has turned to a goopy mess and the modest amount of coordination I had went skipping off into the distance, leaving me to trip when I attempt to walk and drop almost any object I put in my hands. Last night, as I packed up leftovers into a Pyrex Tupperware, I dropped the container and it shattered on the floor. I wasn’t even moving! I was standing perfectly still and my hands decided they just did not feel like holding onto something anymore.

And the typos I am making! My brain, though it knows the difference between “your” and “you’re” and “their” and “there,” has never been skilled at alerting me when I inadvertently use the wrong form. But now, my brain doesn’t even chime in when I type “pairs” instead of “pears” or “corn Cobb” instead of “corn cob.” Maybe it’s sleep deprivation, as I now rise from bed three times a night to pee and struggle to find a comfortable sleeping position.

I’ve heard of “baby brain,” the phenomenon where a pregnant woman’s brain seems to power down as her delivery date approaches, and was told I’d become clumsier as you grew in my belly. At first, I questioned why nature would do this. A pregnant woman, who needs to protect the life in her womb, a.k.a You, should develop cat-like reflexes and gain the nimbleness of a ninja. I should be able to kill flies with chopsticks at this point.

But then, Angel-Squirming-In-My-Womb, it hit me – nature may be on to something. I realized that the lack of sleep, inability to register things or move in a coordinated fashion only helps prepare me for your birth. Instead of getting up to pee at night, I’ll be getting up to feed or diaper you. And the fact that my brain is reverting? Well that’s so I can better understand you as your brain begins to comprehend things. My pesky inability to walk or grasp? I’ll be able to relate to you, who can’t walk or grip, even more.

Baby Girl, Mamma’s got your back, cause she knows it sucks to be up at 2am and not being able to walk or talk well is frustrating as hell. When you get here, we will wake up several times a night together, learn how to “think” and “remember” together and even develop the skills to walk across a room without falling over together. Let’s just hope that my skills return faster than yours develop, cause seeing a toddler help an adult cross the street would be a sorry sight.

Love you,
Mom

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