The Real Dirt on Drywaller Jeff
I have sat down and tried to tell you about Drywaller Jeff three times now. The first two times, my posts turned into long, rambling rants, which were therapeutic for me, but would’ve been painfully boring for you to read. The third time, the situation had become so ridunculous (rid-unc-you-lus a.k.a ridiculous), that my post turned into a soap opera, literally. And now, with attempt number four, I hope to actually explain what shall remain one of the biggest mysteries of my life.
Drywaller Jeff, you are an enigma.
You seemed like such a nice man. You know what, you probably are a nice man. I met your 3-year-old son, who was well-spoken and well-behaved. But, I met him when you you brought him to my home while you were working and didn’t realize I’d be there. It was a pleasure to meet him, but I was shocked you brought him to our house, which is armed with rusty nails and a broken glass window, cluttered with saws and nail guns and decorated with exposed wires. You brought your son here and let him stand near the ladder you balanced on while hoisting a 70 lb sheet of drywall over your head. I was concerned for his safety and my insurance premium.
You began working on Tuesday, July 29th and were to finished on Friday August, 8th. By August 4th, you had only spent a handful of hours at our house and never showed up when you said you would. By the 6th, I had taken to calling you a douchebag. When we came home and saw our walls like this…
…drywall sheets held up with just 4 screws (and you were starting to mud them!)…
…and a seam like this down the middle of our ceiling…
…we had a sinking feeling things would end badly.
Then you just stopped coming. You have only returned 2 of the 20 phone calls we made to you.
On August 20th, when we hadn’t seen or heard from you in over a week, Joey called you and said we had found another drywaller. We invited you to pick up your tools, but asked that you call first. It is now August 29th, and you have not called.
We really like your drill.
Jeff, what happened? How do you do business like this? Perhaps you had personal problems bogging you down. We would have understood if you had simply picked up the phone and communicated with us.
The title of this post, “The Real Dirt on Drywaller Jeff,” is taken from an interesting movie called “The Real Dirt on Farmer John,” which is documentary on a incredibly unique organic farmer from Beloit, Wisconsin.
“The Real Dirt on Farmer John” is such a great movie… The first movie about food that I’ve seen in a long time that didn’t make me want to slit my wrists. So to all you people out there who want to slit your wrists because you’ve been jilted by your incompetent drywaller– watch “The Real Dirt on Farmer John”…His problems will make your problems seem minor. His ability to adapt will inspire you to adapt.
Oh my. Jeff sounds like Dogs and Jen’s infamous Cabinet Guy. Only Jeff hasn’t been around as much to do as much damage.
Oh my God!! 4 screws?? Is he rationing?
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