As Exciting as White Rice
Hello Internet Friends. As some of you know, I spend the majority of my time writing for three cooking magazines. I came in to work this morning, after an hour and half of commuting from the country to the city in a snowstorm, and began writing an article about a super-fast meat loaf recipe. Sound riveting, doesn’t it? Well, when I saw myself actually type the words “Enjoy tender meat loaf with less fun in no time,” (that “fun” was supposed to be “fuss”) I decided to protect you from the crap that is pouring from my brain and share a picture with you rather than write a bunch of words that are sure to be uninspired and nonsensical.
This is a photo of an advertisement I have hanging in my office. Perhaps you’ve already seen it. I find it thoroughly ironic and amusing for oh so many reasons. And I apologize that it’s showing up so small. You can find a larger version at Boing Boing.
Let’s begin with the first sentence. “My man likes something unexpected now and then. That’s why I serve him…rice?” Because rice is SO unexpected and unusual. And Honey, when your “man” says he likes something “unexpected now and then,” I’m pretty sure he’s not talking about rice.
Now, for the paragraph of text below it. Let’s zero in on the second sentence and the many short “sentences” that follow after it. I’ll type them out since I doubt you can read them.
“It’s as quick and easy to vary as adding chopped chives. Or topping with paprika. Or tossing with crumbled bacon and sour cream. Or shredded Cheddar cheese. Or toasted almonds.”
Or, or, or! “Or serving it with tender, less fun meat loaf. Or rubbing it all over your face. Or writing a message on your forehead with it to really give your man a surprise when he gets home.”
Now, at the bottom, you’ll find my very favorite part of this ad. “For a free booklet, “Rice Ideas Men Like,” write the Rice Council of America…”
“Rice Ideas Men Like.” Did the Rice Council test these recipes on men? Is there some magical ingredient in the rice, like porn, making it uber-appealing to all men? And what about the ladies? Don’t we get to like the rice, too? Or our children?
And finally, let’s take a look at our pretty little model, who just does not fit with an ad for an ingredient that’s notoriously bland and plain. That woman belongs on the set of “Laugh In” in a bikini with the word “groovy” and a peace sign painted on her, shimmying next to Goldie Hawn.
And that’s all I have to say about that. It’s time for me to get back to my meat loaf. Have a great weekend – eat some rice. With chopped chives. Or shredded cheese. Or diced bacon. Or sour cream. Or toasted almonds. Or paprika. Or…
Tooooooo funny!