And then the cracks started showing

Maybe it’s another surge of hormones, the fact that Addy was sick for a few days with a really high fever or that Joey’s gone for the first time on an annual 2-day trip to Green Bay for a Packer game, but the shit and that fan I kept envisioning? They’ve collided.

My little girl. My poor little girl has been having tantrums like crazy, to the point where everything is a battle. It’s so bad that I actually seek out episodes of The Supernanny as an educational tool for myself. Everything is a battle, from the type of diaper she wears (if she encounters a Dora Pullup, it must have Dora dressed as a princess because how in the world could she possibly pee on the alternative – a lowly Dora in pants holding flowers? That is certainly not a pee worthy diaper.) And eating? She’s hardly doing it. Granted, she had a fever ranging from 100-104 over the last 3 days, but to see my child, who already fights most food entering her mouth, turn her back on the few things she will eat makes me want to rip my hair out. And try feeding it to her.

And bedtime. Oh dear god. While she’ll still willingly climb into bed, once she’s there, she finds endless problems throughout the night and wakes up crying for me or Joey to fix them. Keep in mind I’m already up with Crosby while this is going on. First it’s that she needs new socks or she’s taken her socks off and needs them back on, then it’s her blankie and it’s not “working,” whatever the hell that means. She needs to blow her nose, she needs a drink, she needs to go pee pee on the potty, etc…

And all I can think, being so adept at feeding my guilt, is that what she really needs – what she’s really wanting – is for her life to go back to the way it was, when Mommy and Daddy and everyone else only had her to tend to and love and play with. There was always time for her, as much as she wanted or seemed to need. I always made sure that her needs came first. I was her person – the one who gave her baths, took her outside, sat on the floor and played. Not to say that Joey didn’t do those things, but his job typically keeps him insanely busy, so all that stuff often fell into my lap, and I liked it that way. I liked that I was her go-to gal and playmate because it made me feel like I was acing the job of Adeline’s Mommy.

And I now seem incapable of cutting myself any slack because I can’t be her go-to anything, unless Crosby is sleeping or there is someone available to hold him. Half my day is spent feeding, diapering and soothing him (turns out he gets really pissed off when he’s tired and has little tolerance for chilling in a bouncy seat or swing. WTF, Little Buddy? You’re supposed to be my easy kid.).

It took just 24 hours of attempting to be Super Mom to 2 kids on my own to realize I need to get on top of a few things to make this new dynamic work for all of us.

1) Now that Addy’s fever is gone, I need to nip her behavior in the bud and stop using my guilt as an excuse to let her get away with things. My Aha Moment arrived when I called the pediatrician (for the third time) when Adeline’s temp went from 102 to 104 degrees. The nursed stressed the importance of getting Addy to take a fever reducer, like acetaminophen or Motrin. I explained that she had been refusing to drink any and we’d been trying for hours. The nurse matter of factly stated, “You are the parent. You are in control, not your 2-year old. You decide if she’s going to take medicine or not.” Duh. DUH!!!! We’ve been letting Addy pretty much run the show. I need to find things to let Addy control, like what clothing she wears, toys she plays with, etc… but also make her realize that not everything is up for discussion, that there are things she does simply because Mommy or Daddy said so, like go to bed, take medicine and eat food.

2) I need to make a long list of activities I can do with Addy indoors when the weather is crappy. While some free time to watch a little TV or just play are absolutely good things, I know my daughter will benefit from structured projects that let her get creative and messy. I also need to find places we can go to on the days when she doesn’t have school, a visit with the grandparents or we don’t have errands to run. Being cooped up in the house day after day isn’t good for anyone.

3) Crosby needs to get on a relatively flexible feeding/sleeping schedule, which I’ve already started. I know some may think a 3-week-old isn’t capable of this, but they are and in my opinion, they thrive from it. This way, we’ll all be able to organize and plan our days better. He also needs to get used to the Baby Bjorn, cause I can’t carry this kid everywhere. Mama needs her hands.

So that’s my Game Plan for Sanity. That is how I will make this not just work, but be a fun and enjoyable time for all, because right now? No one in this house is happy.

And thank you. I started this post in tears, but now feel like there’s a chance I’ll get a handle on things…that everything will be okay. Especially my kids. I so want to enjoy every second of this time with them and to master of the art of mothering two as well as I had mastered the art of mothering one. I know I’ll get there…hopefully with fewer tears and less bitchiness than I’ve displayed in the last 48 hours.

• ← How goes it here?
• Thank you →