Flashback to day one

We arrived at the hospital at 5 p.m. last Wednesday. Not surprisingly, I cried the whole way there (“This is the last time it’s just going to be the two of us.” Sob! “The next time we’re in this car, there will be a baby with us.” Wail!).

At 7:45 p.m., they started induction by giving me Cervidil, which would make my cervix thin and efface. They would leave the Cervidil in until 4 a.m. and then give me Pitocin at 5 a.m. to start contractions. We popped in a movie and settled in for a long and boring night, filled with lots of sleep and a dry turkey sandwich from the hospital cafeteria.

About an hour later, I began experiencing the worst cramps of my life and the nurse confirmed that the big spikes on the labor monitor were indeed contractions. The Cervidil was removed to see if my body could continue the labor process on its own.

By 1:00 a.m., I no longer wanted to writhe in pain on the bed, with Joey rubbing my back to alleviate the pain of back labor. At 1:30, I asked for an epidural and learned I was 4 cm dilated. I was amazed that so much pain resulted in such little progress, as I was at 2 cm when I entered the hospital. The epidural was amazing and I am so pleased it exists and that I got it. However, this choice is not for everyone, and that’s fine. It does come with its drawbacks, like the inability to leave the bed or really even move your legs, and since you can’t move, you have to get a catheter, which they insert once you’re numb.

By 4:00 a.m., I hadn’t felt a contraction in hours, but I did begin to experience the most intense pressure in my lower region that I have ever, ever experienced. To put it bluntly, it felt like I was going to poop out the baby. After the nurse reassured me that this would not happen and what I was feeling was normal, they told me I was 9 cm dilated and it was time to call the doctor, our family and break my water. In other words, it was time to have a baby.

I pushed for about 20 to 30 minutes and although I did not feel pain, I still felt the pressure of the contractions and could feel the baby being born. It was, undoubtedly, the most amazing and incredible experience of my life.

I still can’t believe that I made it to the other side of pregnancy – that I am a mother, that I am taking care of a baby (one that belongs to me) and that I haven’t totally lost it…yet. One second I was the old me with a huge belly and motherhood fears that matched in size, and now, I’m doing it – I’m living the life I was so freaked out by. And I’m doing a good job (Granted, it’s been less than a week).

It’s a life that combines an entirely new set of skills (I’m already a pro at carrying around a baby and popping a boob in its mouth when needed) and frustrations (seriously, I haven’t slept more than a handful of hours in the last three days). But, it’s also a complete joy. Although my daughter is reliably wide awake from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., Joey and I – so far – are still able to laugh through (most) of it, even though he has to get up and go to work. All that being said, we’ll see how I’m feeling in another week of two.

What I’m really trying to say is this: So far, I am surviving motherhood relatively well. I have cried, in fact I spent most of the third day of Adeline’s life in tears, but I’m rolling with the craziness of this better than I expected, which makes me proud and relieved. But again, we’ll see what I have to say 7 to 14 days from now.

Well, I’m off to remove what’s best described as an orthopedic bra so I can feed my ravenous baby. For the first time in my life, I truly feel I can relate to dairy cows.