The scientific method put to good use

I have a very important announcement to make as I have recently completed a very scientific study and must make the results known.

Let’s do this right and use the scientific method. My 6th grade science teacher would be so proud of me right now. Mr. Dunning, this is for you.

Step One: Ask a Question
All of humanity’s snot has accumulated in my sinuses. How can I get it out?

Step Two: Do Background Research
I’ve heard that chicken soup and vitamin C can kick a cold’s butt. That’s all the research I can handle right now.

Step Three: Construct a Hypothesis
Eating nothing but chicken soup and oranges for 24 hours straight will cure a cold.

Step Four: Test Your Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment
Enter my mother-in-law and mother.

On Tuesday, when I deposited Adeline into her grandma’s arms as she tried to yank the Kleenex I was using out of my hand in mid blow, my mother-in-law filled my hands with a carton of chicken noodle soup, a fresh cinnamon bun and orange juice.

“Dank youaaahhh doh much (sniffle, groan, briefly cease breathing because air cannot flow through my nose),” I replied as I shuffled back to my car in my jammies.

Several hours later, as I stared at the empty soup container and cinnamon bun crumbs and wished for them to transform into cheese pizza, there was a knock at my door. It was my mom. And her hands were filled with chicken dumpling soup and fresh oranges.

“Awwww, mombah, dank (sniffle, hack, die a little and recover) youah doh much!”

I returned to my bed, a.k.a the couch, and chased an orange from my mom with orange juice from my mother-in-law and devoured another batch of brothy, chickeny goodness.

And I swear to you, less than 45 minutes later, my sinuses cleared just enough so I could use my nose for its intended purpose – breathing, not as a Kleenex holder.

Step Five: Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion
Hypothesis is true.

Copious amounts of oranges, in any form, and chicken soup, when hand delivered by matronly figures, is so effective at curing head colds, it will literally stop that trickle of nose goo in the middle of its trek down your upper lip.

Step Six: Communicate Your Results
Pretty sure I just did.

Thank you to my awesome mom and mother-in-law for helping to nurse me back to good health!

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