1 Month Down, 215 to Go
Seven weeks ago, life yanked itself out from under me, hung me upside down by the ankles, slapped me across the face and then laughed at me. In other words, life blessed me with newborn and saw how blissfully clueless I was about raising her.
The last month and a half have blown by so rapidly, I can literally feel my cheeks flapping in the velocity of their wake. I could swear that I’ve really only experienced 5 incredibly long days, but I suppose that’s what happens when, because you no longer really sleep, the end of each day blurs with the start of the next.
I’ve been a mom for just over a month and, although I’m still painfully and amusingly new at this role, I’ve learned a thing or two about babies.
Lesson One: Newborns Need Stuff
Like most newbie pregnant women, my nine months were filled with prepping, fretting, excitement and shoving my face against huge rose-colored glasses. As I tromped towards the prenatal finish line, I envisioned peaceful days lounging with my newborn, catching up on movies, reading and hundreds of projects. I mean, since I wasn’t going to be working, I’d have tons of free time, right?
Holy shit, was I wrong. I have not watched a single movie in its entirety and getting through a tabloid magazine in one sitting is a challenge. In fact, finding time to bathe and eat can be hard to do. My friends with kids tried to warn me, but the challenges of parenting don’t sink in until they’re literally puking and pooping in your lap.
Adeline needs my boobs for about half the day and when she’s not clutched to my chest, she’s fussing, dirtying her 12th diaper of the day or flashing an adorable smile that screams, “Mommy, come play with me!” When sleep overtakes her, I weigh the options of taking a nap, doing laundry, making a phone call, going to the bathroom or eating a meal with two hands.
Lesson Two: Things Happen Before Dawn
Until I had a baby, I did not know that my neighbor across the street leaves for work at 4 a.m., that cable becomes almost 100 percent paid programming after 3 a.m. and that our daily newspaper arrives promptly at 5 a.m. every morning. I have watched numerous sunrises while holding my daughter and have yet to see a single one more magnificent than she is.
Lesson Three: I Know Nothing
I have no idea what I am doing. Every movement I make is either a knee-jerk reaction to a screaming cry or a much-researched and discussed decision that typically include the phrases, “If it will make her sleep better…,” “The pediatrician said…,” or “So this other mom told me…” But here’s the good news, I am slowly finding the ability to make decisions about my daughter on my own and trust that doing so won’t harm her.
Lesson Four: Labor, Though Weird and Gross, is Bonding
The hours I spent in labor were the most amazing hours of my life and made me feel closer to my husband than ever before. With every contraction, moan, grunt and push, he stayed by my side offering support and assistance. And despite his front row seat to a world of unpleasantness, he remained my cheerleader, advocate and caretaker. He is a huge part of why I love how my delivery went. The other 80 percent of why I loved it has everything to do with experiencing an epidural and not an episiotomy.
Lesson Five: Love, But Not at First Sight
When I first laid eyes on Adeline, I expected to be overcome with love. Some may find this shocking, but I wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I did feel love for her – it had been growing since I first learned I was pregnant. But my emotions reflected the reality of the situation – I was struggling to grasp that I had just birthed the mystery person in my belly and it was now time to do what I feared most – take care of her. The reality of pregnancy was now literally staring me in the face…and screaming.
The first weeks were hard for me. I was trying to fit Addy into my old life and her presence was a shock to the way I spent every second of my day. But without even knowing it was happening, I let go of that old way of living. My vision stretched beyond myself and I started building a new life with my husband and daughter. Now, my baby girl is the very center of my heart. Although I still find myself crying, it’s not from frustration or exhaustion, it’s because I am so in love with her.
Lesson Six: Don’t Take It For Granted
This applies to everything. I didn’t fully appreciate life without a pregnant belly or a baby until it was gone. I should’ve relished those nights filled with sleep and the freedom to do whatever I wanted, like drink alcohol, eat lunch meat or do something on a moments notice. And, once I had the baby, I realized how truly awesome it was to be pregnant for the first time. Everyone is so happy for you and openly shares their enthusiasm. Plus, you get special treatment, ranging from using the bathroom first to getting discounts at antique stores when the owner nostalgically stares at you and remembers his own children. Now that my baby is outgrowing her newborn cloths and diapers, I realize I barely remember those first weeks home with her. I’ve already forgotten how tiny she was and the exhaustion and difficulties I felt are wearing away. Although I was doing the best I could at the time, I wish I would’ve felt less fear and sleepiness so I could’ve absorbed those first days with my daughter.
Lesson Seven: Don’t Hesitate to Ask
Other moms know what you’re going through, especially if they’re newer moms, too. And other moms are more than ready to share their knowledge with you, like their tricks for getting baby to sleep, what nap schedule works best and a book that will solve the very problem you’re describing. There’s a huge support system out there, through friends, family, the internet and that lady with the newborn at Target, you just have to reach out to it.
When I see first-time pregnant women, I want so badly to give them a hug, not one of sympathy, but one filled with excitement and support. I want to tell them, “This is going to be that hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you can do it. When you’re crying (yes, you will cry) and exhausted, remember that it will get easier every week – I promise. Ask for help, but trust that you know how to care for your baby and always do what feels right for you and your family. Before you know it, you will have created a new life that you love. I know I have. But you will always miss how well you used to sleep. And being able to pee without thinking where to set the baby while you do it.”
OH you hit the button on the nose. 90 days have passed since our little one came into this world-nothing can prepare you for the challenges that lie ahead. That said, lesson one-they grow too fast my little guy has outgrown alot of the outfits I never even put on him. I need alot more baby clothes than I thought. Lesson two you can never sleep when the baby sleeps like everyone tells you to do-laundry and other chores won't get done when your holding your baby. I am back at work full time and I get up usually at 4 am. so I can spend time with him.We have watched many a sunrise together. Lesson 3 I'll admit I know nothing-thank goodness for my mom. Lesson 4 I was lucky I was only in labor for 3 hrs. Lesson 5 I get emotional every time I see him. I still find myself saying"Is he really mine?"Lesson 6 take a picture every day of my little guy so I can remember how wonderful he is. Lesson 7 I love my husband soo much, he has helped me keep my sanity when Momma needs 5 minutes to herself or time to take a nice relaxing bath. We are truly blessed to have such beautiful, healthy babies.
Sounds like you have learned a lot in the last month and half. very well put.
Welcome to the sisterhood of motherhood! You have arrived! And beautifully spoken too I might add:-)
I can only imagine how this changes your life. But you know what? It sounds like you're doing one hell of a job of adjusting!
And she's beautiful. You're very lucky, Liz, though I know there have to be some days you just want to run screaming from the room.