I am doing much better. A few days ago, I didn’t quite know how I was going to climb out of my dark, emotional hole. But before I knew it, I was standing outside of it. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive, visiting, calling and frequently checking in to see how I’m doing and sharing their own stories of miscarriage. My children, who have no idea they almost had a sibling, have been the greatest help, reminding me every moment that I’m blessed to have them and they’re getting big fast, so I better dive in to every moment I can.
The whole experience of being pregnant and losing a baby almost feels like a dream now. The most challenging part is switching my brain from “I’m pregnant” to “not pregnant.” I still occasionally find myself resting a hand on my tummy absent mindedly, and then remember there’s nothing in there anymore. I’ve gone on a nitrate binge since it’s only my health to worry about now, gobbling up sandwiches stacked with layers of lunch meat. I can drink coffee and wine by the boat-load now, though I have to say every sip of my first drink brought a little sadness with it.
As for adding a third child to our family? It’s doubtful. We’re charmed by the idea of babies, but are deterred by the high level of work and attention they require. For now, we’ll enjoy the life and kiddos we currently have and stay open to all of the adventures that come with them.
- Emotions, emotions, emotions
- Next Steps