A Constructed Life

Rounding the Corner

I am doing much better. A few days ago, I didn’t quite know how I was going to climb out of my dark, emotional hole. But before I knew it, I was standing outside of it. My family and friends have been incredibly supportive, visiting, calling and frequently checking in to see how I’m doing and sharing their own stories of miscarriage. My children, who have no idea they almost had a sibling, have been the greatest help, reminding me every moment that I’m blessed to have them and they’re getting big fast, so I better dive in to every moment I can.

The whole experience of being pregnant and losing a baby almost feels like a dream now. The most challenging part is switching my brain from “I’m pregnant” to “not pregnant.” I still occasionally find myself resting a hand on my tummy absent mindedly, and then remember there’s nothing in there anymore. I’ve gone on a nitrate binge since it’s only my health to worry about now, gobbling up sandwiches stacked with layers of lunch meat. I can drink coffee and wine by the boat-load now, though I have to say every sip of my first drink brought a little sadness with it.

As for adding a third child to our family? It’s doubtful. We’re charmed by the idea of babies, but are deterred by the high level of work and attention they require. For now, we’ll enjoy the life and kiddos we currently have and stay open to all of the adventures that come with them.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Rounding the Corner

  1. Courtney

    I just read all three of your blog posts about your miscarriage and cried through every word, even though you’re clearly demonstrating the strength and determination we all know you have! I’m so glad you’ve used this space as a way of dealing with your emotions and grief, and so glad to read that after only a few days you’re already feeling a little better about things. It will take more time, and might not ever go completely away, but you seem to have gained valuable perspective already, only a week later. I will touch base with you again soon!

    And stop blaming yourself for carrying that heavy table–it had nothing to do with it! :)
    Courtney

  2. Liz Post author

    Thank you. And you’re right about it taking more time – found myself in tears again just a few days ago and thinking about often every day. I’m guessing this is a loss that sticks with me for life, but hopefully the debilitating stage of it is over.

  3. Jinny

    Liz
    I just now read your last three posts and I am so sorry about the baby. I am so sorry that you and Joey have to endure such a loss. You are such a great mother and I was so looking forward to having a new addition to such a wonderful family. God works in mysterious ways which I obviously can attest too. Know that our little munchkin is with her or his papa in heaven looking over us and that joe is loving the baby and taking good care of her or him. I’m so sorry you have had to go thru such a loss. I love you more than ever and just know that if you need me I would move heaven and earth for you.

    Jinny/mom

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