Some things aren’t worth it.
I tried making homemade crackers. Let me say that again. The crackers that you can buy for $2 in the store? I spent 2 hours trying to make some myself with a 4-year-old. Why? Why would I do such a thing when crackers are so readily available? Is there a cracker shortage that only I am privy to?
No. It all stems from my concerns with food and the chemicals, the preservatives, the GMOs, the everything-in-them-is bad, bad, bad, yada, yada, yada. My kids eat crackers as if they were made of crack, and anything they eat a lot of, I try to buy organic or with the shortest, most normal ingredient list I can find. Organic crackers, when eaten by the pound, get really expensive.
The obvious solution was to make heaps of homemade crackers, especially because The Internet made it sound sooooo easy and attainable and delicious and fail proof. And since I know my way around a kitchen, I thought, “I am, from now, going to make all of our crackers, and then all of our bread and then I will buy us our very own cow because it’s probably cheaper than buying 2 gallons of organic milk every week for the next 18 years.”
And because it is such a cinch to make homemade crackers, I invited Adeline to help me. She spent most of the 2 hours sticking pieces of cracker dough to her face and laughing hysterically. I tried to make sure the crackers with forehead grease on them did not end up on the baking sheets.
Don’t mind the scary-looking kitchen. Haven’t gotten around to this room yet.
If you can’t already tell, this project was the biggest kitchen disaster I’ve ever had. I couldn’t get the dough to roll out thin enough, burnt the first batch, undercooked the second, forgot to season the third and then burnt the fourth. And also? They did not taste very good. Perhaps because none of them were cooked properly.
So my vision of whipping up homemade crackers a la June Cleaver meets Martha Stewart did not happen. At all. No one will eat the crackers, except for me, and they’re only edible with a massive hunk of cheese perched on their charred edges. So…I am back to buying boxes of fancy crackers. And they real must have crack in them because I am thinking of trying this again. It drives me crazy that The Internet can get it right and I can’t. I think I’ll do it without the help of a cute little girl next time.
I’ve been in that exact place, Liz! Why aren’t you eating these homemade cheesy crackers just like the Gokdfish you shovel in at no end?!? The two things they will always eat that I make – granola bars and graham crackers. I’ll email you the recipe links!
I’m so glad Im not alone in my cracker-making dreams. Homemade granola bars and graham crackers sound equally as appealing! Thanks, Shelley!
Ha!!!! Sounds like every project I attempt! Your effort is amazing! I applaud your attempts:) maybe stick with coupons?
Yes to coupons, no to homemade crackers!
I saw a recipe online and now I have a grandiose plan of making homemade Goldfish crackers someday – complete with a goldfish cracker cutter made from a soda can. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?
I LOVE that you’re going to make a cookie cutter from a soda can. Please tell me all about it after you try that out. 🙂
Lately I’ve had some interesting kitchen adventures myself. I’m gluten-free (almost totally grain-free, in fact) but I still want to eat a burger. So, what the heck do you do for a bun when you can’t have grain? First I tried making “pitas” that were mostly egg and a little bit of coconut flour. My “pitas” turned out like scrambled eggs. Surprise, surprise!
Last night I tried making “buns” out of fried green plantains. First, have you ever tried peeling a green plantain? It’s nearly impossible! And I had to peel 3 of them. Then, I had to cut the plantains into 2″ chunks and boil them for 5 min. Next, you take a plate and smash the pieces into flat rounds. Except (perhaps they weren’t cooked enough) my plantains didn’t smash nicely and came out as chunks of plantain stuck to the bottom of the plate that I then scraped off and into the fry pan but then the pieces wouldn’t stick to each other. 1-1/2 hours later we were finally eating our dinner – chunks of fried plantain on top of our burgers that we had to eat with a fork. Nice.
So, Liz, I know your pain. Now, let’s see if I can find some other “bun” recipe to try…
Oh, Kelly! Those are indeed some interesting kitchen adventures. Hope the burgers were tasty anyway. By the way, I caught up on your blog the other day and your pictures from Utah are amazing. What an incredible trip!