In preparation for the big bang, meaning the 4th of July, not delivering a baby

We’re all heading up to the family cabin for the Fourth of July, where we gather with everyone else on the road for our very own private fireworks extravaganza. Just as you would expect, the men on the road begin purchasing fireworks months in advance for the occasion, and, without fail, the firework display grows longer and more impressive each year.

Here’s a peek at my Dad’s stash, taken about about a month ago. Which means it’s increased since then. Keep in mind he is just one of about eight guys contributing to the fireworks pot.

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I love reading the testosterone laden, ridiculous names on each type of firework.

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I imagine the job of Firework Namer is much like that of Paint Sample Namer – one where you look at something that really can’t be accurately summed up or differentiated in a catchy 2-word phrase, so you just start pulling random crap out of nowhere that might lure people to make a purchase.

I’m looking forward to seeing what someones firework interpretation of “Psycho X Girlfriend” looks like. Do the flames stalk you wherever you go? Call all your friends to find out why you don’t love it anymore? Wail outside your door until slashing your tires in a fit of rage?

Needless to say, it should be a great show. Adeline will be wearing ear protection and I’m expecting our baby boy to try leaping out of my womb with each explosion.

• ← I’m pregnant with a yogi
• Hooray for science →