17 weeks pregnant

Here’s my belly at 24-weeks pregnant with Adeline.
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And here’s my belly at 17-weeks pregnant with Baby #2. In other words, this photo was taken 7 weeks earlier than the one above, yet my belly looks just as big, if not bigger.

I wore the same pants on purpose, just to make the differences in this photo stand out more. You know those games in magazines and newspapers where they take 2 photos that appear identical but make minor changes to one and you’re supposed to pick out what’s different in each photo? Let’s play that game.

Here’s what is different in Photo B:
1) The obvious – belly is bigger and lower. But now look a little closer – do you see how in Photo A, you can kind of make out my abdominal muscles? Like they’re working to hold my growing belly in? Well, in Photo B, those abdominal muscles are nonexistent. They have, without struggle, given up the battle against The Baby Bulge and will likely be prisoners to it for years to come.

2) There is a noticeable difference in the height/perkiness of my butt. Seriously. Look how much higher my butt is in Photo A. Photo B’s butt reflects 7 months of extended periods of time sitting to pump or nurse a baby followed by 14 months of hardly exercising. This is photographic evidence that such behavior takes a toll on one’s hiney.

3) You can see into our living room in both photos. In Photo A, it is tidy and organized. In Photo B, it is a mess and littered with toys and whatever other odds and ends Adeline decided to drag around with her that day.

4) Here are the things you can’t see that are different in each photo. The girl in Photo A doesn’t have a clue what it means to be a mother, doesn’t realize that maternity leave does not equal vacation or that no matter how hard she fights it, her living room will eventually look like a daycare center. The girl in Photo B has an idea of what’s coming her way. That flat but reminds her that there will, again, be hours spent holding a hungry, crying or sleeping newborn, most likely while simultaneously trying to entertain a 2-year-old. Those relaxed abs signify that labor will be familiar this time, though certainly not any less exciting and excruciating. That girl in Photo A, though I love her dearly…I am happy to not be her anymore (though I would gladly take her tush and abs). I welcome the more relaxed (attitude I hope to have), the familiar (feel of a tiny being) and the easy surrender (to turning my life and body over to a helpless, needy creature).

While I still have pangs of guilt and sadness about introducing another child into this family and how it will impact Adeline, I am mostly very excited to go through new mommyhood again – to feel my baby kicking, to work to bring him or her into the world, to cradle an infant in my arms and to witness first teeth and steps again. And I hope having my daughter there with me to experience it in her own way, too, will make it that much more magical…and probably that much more exhausting.

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