Things to teach my daughter

There is a woman, Maggie Mason, on the Internet and who I find to be oh so very cool and wise. She recently wrote a list entitled 20 Things I Wish I’d Known at 20 and I love it. I love it because it’s 20 things that every female should know, as soon as possible, because had I understood these things, even at the age of 16, I would’ve moved through life feeling much less awkward and apologetic.

I printed this list out for my daughter, who is only 10-months old. I want to tuck it away for her, to show it to her when she is older, when life starts getting hard, painful and filled with judgment. My dream for Adeline is that she spend as much of her life as possible comfortable in her own skin, happy with and confident about who she is. I want her to understand that ultimately, the way she feels about herself is truly all that matters, because it influences everything else – who she befriends, who she loves, how she chooses to live.

After having a child, it became impossible for me not to think about what I wanted to instill in her. I’ve become acutely aware that as a fellow female, and one that is her mother, I am destined to be a highly influential figure for her. And I keep thinking, “What do I want her to learn from me?” The list is epically long, but a few things immediately flock to the top and the more I think about it, the more clear Number One becomes.

Be brave.

 Be brave enough to trust yourself, believe in yourself and stand up for yourself. For your entire life, you will be poked at, by people, events and our culture, all trying to sway you to believe things. Whether it’s the classroom bully insisting you’re not wearing the right jeans, the magazine ad conveying that you’re not thin enough, or the song that suggests you “back that ass up,” there will always be someone encouraging you to believe their message. But if you’re brave enough to listen to yourself, and trust what you hear, you’ll always follow the right message – your own. And it better not tell you to “back that ass up” anytime earlier than age 20.

Be brave enough to own your place in the universe and never apologize for the space you take up or think someone else deserves more room than you do, regardless of their status or accomplishments. We are all the same and have equal rights to everything.

Be brave enough to speak up when you are mistreated. You are your ultimate protector. The saying is true – “You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” When you allow people to mistreat you, you teach them that it’s okay to do so.

Be brave enough to enter the unknown, because that is where life happens. Travel, have an adventure, do something crazy (I said crazy, not dangerous!). Let your heart break. Don’t just step outside of the box, rebuild it. Take chances. Become comfortable with the uncomfortable. You only get one shot at life, so live, Baby, live.

As I write this to you, at 31-years of age, I realize I am also writing this to myself, to the girl who wasn’t always very brave, but since having a daughter, is finally growing a set of balls. So be brave enough to be a woman with really big cajones, cause you’ll learn they’re an invaluable asset. Yup, even more than your boobs.

• ← The first of many steps
• A difficult decision at 8:15 p.m. →