An Odd Place For An Ant Farm
My morning was darkened by a shocking discovery. Before I go any further, a word of warning to my family members and coworkers who read this blog: This post will embed an image of me that you may not want to recall during Christmas dinner with grandma and grandpa or while sitting across from me in the Lake Conference Room with upper management. The choice to continue reading is yours. Choose wisely and do not hold me responsible for inserting a picture you never wanted into your brain.
So, I’m taking a shower, as I occasionally do these days, with my eyes glued to the baby monitor hoping Addy will sleep long enough for me to actually use the soap. I hop out, dry off, lotion up, yada yada yada…as I lift my arms to apply my Dove deodorant, purple and red splotches draw my eyes to a dark and shadowy part of my body.
As first, I think to myself, “Is that dirt? I know my shower schedule is a tad off, but am I really that filthy?” I lean in closer to the mirror and gasp at what I find. Those splotches aren’t dirt…they’re stretch marks! Tons of them! On the underside of my boobs!!! I could almost hear them giggle as they yelled, “Surprise!”
My boobs have become so distended from my ample milk supply that my skin has stretched to the point of breaking down. Two days ago I was all, “Yippee! My belly button will never look the same and my skin is a tad relaxed, but my formerly pregnant stomach is stretch mark free! And hot damn, do I ever have an awesome rack now!”
I should’ve taken a closer look at that rack, which is now not only home to a constantly nursing baby, but also raggedy puce-colored lines that bring one image to mind:
The jagged, irregular tunnels found in ant farms. That is what my under boob looks like. Hey, I warned you.
So, that’s really all I have to say. I just wanted to share my shock and an example of life’s tendency to laugh in your face when you pat yourself on the back too enthusiastically. And that laughter will forever be etched onto the skin of my under boob (you can bet your ass I’m lathering anti-stretch mark lotion onto my upper boob to save them from the same demise).
Reminder: I warned you.
Haha, didn't quite see that correlation before! Coming from the observer's standpoint, a good chunk (if not all) of those ant farm tunnels will go away with time 🙂
Stretch marks…the mark of a real woman:-)
I have a product I think you would be interested in. The product is called Concrobium Mold Control and works to completely eliminate and prevent the growth of mold. If interestd please email me at karpinkpr@gmail.com so I can forward you a press release as well as additional product information.
Thank you,
Carolyn Karp
hahaha, yeah, you need some help to remove your underboob mold, Liz.
I read somewhere about comparing it to the appearance of an orange, but I like the ant farm better!